No1 Costume Costume Pt II

Life as a designer seems beautiful to people.... but hey as they said... experience is the cure to dreams. I should know better... since I started working here my High blood Pressure shot off the roof!!! hahahahahahaha......... My GP doctor was so shocked caused its has been a while since my last visit to see him. I myself was shocked! But I already knew that physically my health is deteriating. Not in the best of health now.......I need a long break! Can't wait for Raya since I would be driving with my family to Melaka and KL for a short tip of 4 days. Better than nothing.

Maybe either in december or january I might planned to got to Bintan again to rest my mind. So far I am less depressed lately. I been trying to make new frens..... etc ..etc........

I been hoping that things would get better working at No1 Costume, but I can't say it is. I mean there are many things I think I deserve that I did not get.....and as the days go by the dissappointments piled up and I am no longer sure what to do with my presence here. Not sure if staying is the best option right now....... I know that the company is small but it is growing reapidly.... just not sure if it is capable to expand further with all the mishaps the high fluctuation of manpower turnover and the constance reshuffling of manpower makes its very disorganized. Perhaps I am being too perfectionist that I can see too many flaws . Its not that the company is not good...it is good. It just need fine tuning to ensure the organization is well structured and not as it is now. If we had hired proper people and the company pays them well accordingly. We would not have a high manpower turnover.

Maybe what they need a very good consultant for organization structure....... to advise them on how an international company should run to achieve a higher level of profitability and a wonderful working environment.

Right now the tension in the company is so thick that one would feel stuffy to be in it. People are not communication well despite the wonderful courses the company is indulging in. Not sure how I can help to ease all this problems since I have a whole load of unsettled issues with them....

I may not be well verse in manpower laws in singapore ...that is why I hire a lawyer to represent my family... to advise us on matters that are beyond our understanding and knowledge.

There are things that I want to say but I can't if I want to keep my Job..... so this site here is my sanctuary ...where I can spill my guts out........... :)

Although I am not sure anymore that staying longer would be a wise choice though ....... despite all the plans or promised thart they claimed to have for me......... hope they are not mere empty promises.......

Happy Birthday To me..........

In a few minutes, the day of my birth would be over. It started out sad but ended as how I hoped it to be. I am surrounded by the people whom are the most important to me . My parents, my brother and my aunt who is like my second mom. I got some presents from her. Nothing big or expansive but its the thought that counts caused she called me up just to wished me a happy birthday while I was in the office. Joe sent me a birthday wish via email which I read in the morning. My brother called me just now in the evening after he got back home from the office in KL. I know my friends all are busy with their work...its ok. I forgot their birthday too...Karma right? Well Hope that my wishes comes true............. but of course I have to work hard for it...........

Hugs and Kisses for All of You..............

Reality Check.......

I suddenly realised how fast time flew and it seems like just yesterday I started my job at No1 Costume Costume . Now as I sat in front of my Computer at home and see the hours flew by I realised that TIMe itself is counting down to my next anniversary of birth. Nice way of putting it, isn't it? I am suddenly in a daze, realising that I will be 26 tomorrow!

I have spent a wonderful time yesterday. Never had I experienced loving someone so powerfully. Whom I meant is not a guy.......its a child...... my niece.She is the light of my life in its darkest hour.Before, I thought that I would not love her like my own child. I was wrong. As she grew older she became more interactive with me and suddenly all my pain and depressed moments was brushed aside by her smile and laughter, even if its just for that one moment.......... I was Happy!! I was running around and playing ball with her , all this while I was smiling and laughing genuinely , not a smile of Front that I placed around myself as I had done always.

Maybe her presence is a gift from God to lift me from my sorrow and pain that I was in for the past few weeks. Feelings that was so dark that I cannot share with anyone but myself and my personal written journal.........

I had not been happy for a long while and I do not foreseen beautiful days ahead. But perhaps the cure to my heart is not the loving touch of a guy( of course that would be nice) but is the loving touch of a child holding your hand knowing that that kind of is pure and genuine.

Hope that one day maybe I can adopt a child of my own or perhaps through surrogacy.

There is so much in my heart that I wanted to say or confide to someone but I can't. Pains that had been rooted in my heart for a very long time. There is no one out there who can help me. The only person who can help me is Myself!! I must find my own inner peace and forgive myself. That is the path I must take right now. Sounds dramatic doesn't it? hahahaha.

I am a little happier today........May the days ahead be greater and may my heart soars ..........