Reality Check.......

I suddenly realised how fast time flew and it seems like just yesterday I started my job at No1 Costume Costume . Now as I sat in front of my Computer at home and see the hours flew by I realised that TIMe itself is counting down to my next anniversary of birth. Nice way of putting it, isn't it? I am suddenly in a daze, realising that I will be 26 tomorrow!

I have spent a wonderful time yesterday. Never had I experienced loving someone so powerfully. Whom I meant is not a guy.......its a child...... my niece.She is the light of my life in its darkest hour.Before, I thought that I would not love her like my own child. I was wrong. As she grew older she became more interactive with me and suddenly all my pain and depressed moments was brushed aside by her smile and laughter, even if its just for that one moment.......... I was Happy!! I was running around and playing ball with her , all this while I was smiling and laughing genuinely , not a smile of Front that I placed around myself as I had done always.

Maybe her presence is a gift from God to lift me from my sorrow and pain that I was in for the past few weeks. Feelings that was so dark that I cannot share with anyone but myself and my personal written journal.........

I had not been happy for a long while and I do not foreseen beautiful days ahead. But perhaps the cure to my heart is not the loving touch of a guy( of course that would be nice) but is the loving touch of a child holding your hand knowing that that kind of is pure and genuine.

Hope that one day maybe I can adopt a child of my own or perhaps through surrogacy.

There is so much in my heart that I wanted to say or confide to someone but I can't. Pains that had been rooted in my heart for a very long time. There is no one out there who can help me. The only person who can help me is Myself!! I must find my own inner peace and forgive myself. That is the path I must take right now. Sounds dramatic doesn't it? hahahaha.

I am a little happier today........May the days ahead be greater and may my heart soars ..........