Aidilfitri .... a Cause for Celebration....?

First of all I would like to wish all my friends and family a Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri , may the year ahead be full of merry and forgiveness....

I don't know why but this year seems unlike those years before. The celebration was not as festive. I could not feel the excitement of it even on the day itself. But of course I am thankful for everyone that celebrated it with me... especially when I went to visit my friends all over the island.

I have not visit much of my family members. There's not many left around. Most have already return to the calling of God. This year, my mom became the eldest daughter for the family as all the other elder sisters had passed away. I know that Mom is sad and not in the celebrating mood as she realised that most of them are gone.She has 2 elder brother and 4 younger siblings left. I totally understand her feelings of lost as I felt it too. I sometimes feel that despite being surrounded by friends and family I felt totally alone. Guarding the secrets of my life and my heart from my family. My relatives kept asking me when I would get married and settle down, hahahaha I just kept on making excuses of financial issues.

But sometimes I do wished I could get married and settle down and have children of my own.....

By the way .... my cousin's daughter just got married and has a child at the age of 17. I am officially a grandfather!!!

there is so much I wanted to say or let out but I can't. Wished I could run from all of this sometimes.

Yesterday I went to visit my colleagues open house. Her mother was "gifted " as in she could see certain things like characters and stuff of someone. She told my parents that my brother is "soft" and a loving person like water and air while I am a "hard" person , like the rocks of the earth and hot headed sometimes like Fire. I was a bit surprised , not shock though. She read my character correctly. My brother and me are like Yin and Yang, opposites that comes together perfectly in balance.

Anyway enough about that... I don't know why but I kept thinking back to memories of the past of those whom had moved on to the other side. Perhaps its the magic of Aidilfitri that keep me tied to them somehow. I did a lot of bad things this year and I somehow regret most of them. But the history is what makes our future.

To all my sisters...

I would like to ask for forgiveness from you all,

from the tip of my head to my toes

I am sorry if I had ever offended any of you.

I loved you all like my own family members,

Should my words had been hurtful I truly regret it.

Words cannot describe how I felt for you all

I love you all my dears...........

May you forgive me for all my wrongdoings.....

Hugs

Razy